A synopsis of “Lone Survivor”

walFour bored-to-death Navy Seals are sent up a mountain by their commander, Eric Bana (a notorious ambassador of the Zionist project in Hollywood), to attack a village full of bad bad Taliban “hajjis” who say “Allahu akbar” only when they are about to behead a bad bad traitor.

So, long story short, they bump into an old man, a herd of dumb goats and two Afghan kids. Since the Seals are people of integrity and never break a single international law, including but not limited to peeing on the corpses of Afghan fighters, they let the three Afghans loose. The youngest of the two kids makes it down a steep mountain in less than a minute, faster than the fastest goat he owns, and warns the hajjis down below who start hunting the Seals all over the place. (I have to say that the little guy jumping from rock to rock is the only exciting scene of the movie)

However, since Americans stand for everything good and just while the bearded native people always dressed in black (some of whom are missing their earlobes) are retards that always have to stand for what is wrong with this wicked world, the American soldiers must be braver, smarter and have a better aim. Plus, it is a win-win situation because they have larger guns with night-vision.

Nevertheless, the Band of Bothers took quite a beating. They were shelled with mortars and shot at forcing them to withdraw and even jump off cliffs. Naturally, they suffered minor injuries. So one by one, they were killed by the villains and fell as heroes fighting for freedom and all that stuff. Basically, all the Afghans died with a straight and clean head-shot while the Americans were shot either from the back or while they were unarmed.

They all died… except one guy: that is no other than Mark Walberg whose muscles seemed to be bulletproof. So he manages to escape and he is received and protected by a good Afghan clan dressed in white. And then all hell breaks loose… Apaches intervene, they shoot at every moving bearded thing and they manage to free the hero.

THE END.

P.S: you must not miss the “Special thanks” part at the end of credits dedicated to the Ministry of Defense, the U.S. Army, U.S. Navy, and every U.S. armed force there is. My question is as follows: Couldn’t you have saved me all the headache and put the credits at beginning? Sneaky, aren’t we? Making our real agenda know only at the very end of the very end.

Can this hajji have his two hours back please?

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